Psychology identifies three shades commonly preferred by individuals with low self-worth

The girl in the café asked for her usual: a black coffee and “anything that isn’t too bright” from the pastry counter. Her clothes were like a carefully planned lack of colour: a grey hoodie, faded jeans and trainers that used to be white but are now just… neutral. The terracotta walls, plants, and mismatched chairs around her made the place glow, but she was like a shadow that you only see when someone moves.

The soft colours that quietly say, “I’d rather disappear”

If you go to work early on a Monday, you’ll see them right away: people wearing layers of grey like armour for their feelings. Not edgy charcoal or stylish smoke-grey, but that flat, mid-tone grey that looks like the sky just before it rains.

Psychologists frequently associate this neutral, lifeless grey with withdrawal, emotional exhaustion, and an intense desire to avoid standing out. It says, “I’m here, but don’t look too closely.”

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When your self-esteem is low, the best thing to do may be to blend in with the crowd.

When asked to “dress how they felt,” people with depressive symptoms and low self-esteem chose grey and black clothes much more often than brighter colours, according to researchers at the University of Manchester. The goal wasn’t to look good. The goal was to stay out of the spotlight.

Think of that coworker who always jokes about “wearing their mood” when they put on yet another grey sweatshirt. Or that friend whose closet went from floral prints to a uniform of fog-colored sweaters after a bad breakup.

The colour becomes a quiet habit, a small choice we make every day that slowly changes how we see ourselves and how others see us.

In terms of psychology, grey is “in between” black and white, which means it is not clear what it means. That’s why therapists sometimes call it the colour of not feeling anything.

People with low self-esteem often think they don’t have the right to take up visual space, so they choose colours that aren’t too loud. Grey does this job perfectly: it doesn’t provoke, attract, or claim anything.

It’s the colour you pick when you want to be there but not really take part

Black, beige, and the soft words of low self-esteem

If grey is a fog of feelings, black is the fortress. Of course, black is always in style, and on days when you feel good about yourself, it’s powerful and timeless. But for a lot of people with low self-esteem, black isn’t so much a style choice as it is a place to hide.

Black takes in light. It can also take up mental space. You feel smaller, safer, and more at home.

Then there’s beige. That endlessly “safe” shade that fills entire wardrobes when someone wants to look acceptable without ever being memorable.

Imagine a woman in her late thirties who just got laid off from her job. Her Instagram memories show her in red dresses and bright tops from a few years ago. Her daily outfit is almost always the same: black trousers, a beige jumper and a black bag. She says it’s “grown-up” and “professional,” but deep down she knows she’s scared of being judged if she stands out.

Or the guy who used to love graphic tees and bright jackets. After a bad breakup and months of his ex’s criticism, he has hidden himself in a black hoodie and beige chinos. It’s not just taste that is changing. He is getting smaller and smaller in his pictures, one load of laundry at a time.

Psychologists say that people often associate black with safety, control, and the need to protect themselves from emotional harm. Black can look elegant on someone who feels strong. It can look like a wall to someone who feels very small.

Beige, on the other hand, gently blurs edges. It looks good on skin tones and in the background. It’s a comforting compromise for people with low self-esteem. It’s not as heavy as black or as obviously sad as head-to-toe grey, but it’s still safe to be unremarkable.

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Let’s be honest: nobody really wakes up thinking, “I want to look forgettable today.” But our fear of being criticised can push us right there.

How to gently get your colours back without shocking your body

The good news is that you don’t have to get rid of half of your clothes or suddenly become “the person in neon yellow.” You can start to change the story with small, almost secret experiments.

Colour laddering is a popular and useful method among therapists. You keep your favourite blacks, greys, and beiges, but you add one shade that is a little more alive at a time. The black coat goes well with a soft blue scarf. A beige cardigan over a muted green T-shirt. A burgundy nail polish peeks out from the grey sleeves.

Your nervous system stays calm, and your self-image gets a quiet boost.

A common mistake is to believe that you have to go from all-black to all-rainbow in one night. That kind of pressure usually doesn’t work and makes you think even more that you’re “not the type” to wear colour. Begin with something that feels almost right, like a beige that is a little warmer or a grey that is a little deeper and richer.

People who don’t feel good about themselves often wait until they feel better about themselves before changing their clothes. The twist is that the clothes can help boost your confidence. A small choice of colour can be like a daily affirmation.

If you fall back into old habits some days, be nice to yourself. Colours make us feel things. So is getting better.

Sometimes, the first line we draw is not in our work or relationships. It’s in the mirror, where you can see yourself and think, “I can be seen.”

Add one “alive” item, like a scarf, socks, or phone case in a soft colour that makes you feel awake but not exposed.
Change your neutrals: switch out flat grey for dove grey, dull beige for warm camel, and harsh black for deep navy.
Put some light near your face, like earrings, glasses frames, lipstick, or a T-shirt that makes your face look brighter.
Try on colours at home first. Wear them inside for a day so your brain gets used to seeing “the new you” in the mirror.
Instead of just looking at things, pay attention to how they make you feel. For example, ask yourself, “How did I feel walking into the room in this colour?”

When your colours start to say something else

A lot of people look at old pictures and realise that their low self-esteem had a colour scheme. It could have been the years of dull beiges after a bad relationship. Maybe it was the time when I was burnt out and everything was black. It could have been the long, lonely winter with endless mid-grey sweaters.

Realising that can be painful. It can also feel strangely freeing.

Colours don’t heal wounds, but they can change the way you start your day in a gentle way. Picking something a little brighter is like looking the world in the eye again. It doesn’t show confidence. It just says, “I’m here, and I can take up a pixel of space.”

Those pixels add up over time. A teal shirt to see a friend. A coat that is very dark green for a cold morning. A tote bag in a rusty colour that you secretly love. Your clothes stop being just camouflage and start to be a place where you learn to be seen without feeling bad about it.

You might still have your black hoodie and your safe beige trousers. You don’t have to throw them away or act like they never helped you through hard times. But next to them, there will be new shades that weren’t there before. This shows that something in you chose to move a little closer to the light.

And that’s the quiet magic of colour psychology. It doesn’t yell from a stage. It works in your drawer, on your hanger, and in that split second when your hand reaches for something that not only hides you but also shows who you’re becoming.